I Spy
by hairymclary
Summary: "Albus had said he needed a spy, and he'd volunteered almost immediately..." But being a spy for the Order of the Phoenix is dangerous, especially for a Gryffindor. AU. Deathfic. Three-shot. T for torture.
1. Father

**Part 1**

He hadn't been a Death Eater for nearly long enough – two weeks at most. Profes- _Albus _had said he needed a spy, and he'd volunteered almost immediately. He suspected he wasn't Albus' first choice, but there weren't enough pure-bloods in the Order of the Phoenix to be fussy – and anyway, he had a smattering of Occlumency: enough to persuade the Dark Lord that he'd never really fitted into Gryffindor House, and that he understood and agreed with the values of the Death Eaters.

How he'd managed it, he didn't know. He suspected that his fear hadn't been nearly as well-hidden as he'd hoped, and he also thought that it had counted in his favour. The Dark Lord liked his followers to be terrified... and therefore loyal.

But he'd only been a Death Eater for two days when he first had to kill someone. He hadn't bargained on that: he'd thought that spying would mean he was just an onlooker, standing on the sidelines, never getting _that_ involved: immune, somehow. Stupid really, but he'd always been a bit naïve.

And then today they'd raided Diagon Alley – an ambitious target if ever there was one. He'd known they wouldn't be able to do it, not yet, but he'd kept quiet.

He'd told Dumbledore about the planned attack, of course, and the Death Eaters had Apparated straight into the ambush. There had been a lot of confusion, and he'd suddenly found himself fighting _alongside _the _Aurors_, and then he'd sent a Bone Breaker in the Dark Lord's direction, and from then on his death warrant was signed.

Of course, they wouldn't kill him just like that. No, the Dark Lord had grabbed him and Portkeyed to the usual meeting-place, and they'd all stood around him and taken turns at torturing him.

And now he was lying face down in the mud, dreading the next curse, hoping for death, and wishing he hadn't ever had the stupid idea of buying the Dark Lord's protection for Lily and his friends. It would be worth nothing when he was dead.

He ached. Countless _Crucios_ had made it painful even to breathe. His fingernails had been pulled out at some point, and he was missing several teeth. Something was wrong with his tongue... and then he realised that it had been sliced longways inside his mouth. So that was why he could taste blood. And he could only see out of one eye.

He felt sick. Even if he could have transformed, it wouldn't have done him any good. Over thirty wands were trained on him, and anyway, he wasn't sure he had hidden the secret of his Animagus as well as he'd thought.

And finally – _finally!_ – the Dark Lord stepped forward for his own, individual revenge on a traitor.

The curse that pulped his bones was a variant on the Bone-Breaking Curse – the Dark Lord's own peculiar sense of irony. And then the Death Eaters Disapparated, leaving a deserted moor and, barely visible beneath the eerie light of the Dark Mark, the remains of James Potter, to be found – or not – in the morning.


	2. Mother

**Part 2**

Lily couldn't sleep. She'd been worried about James ever since he started spying – he hadn't wanted to tell her, but she'd worked it out: a Dark Mark was a difficult thing to hide from your wife, after all. And today, she'd switched on the 'Tell-me-what's-going-on-James.-I-am-your-wife-after-all,-and-anyway-if-you-don't-tell-me-I-shall-scream.-You-have-a-moral-obligation-to-tell-me-and-besides-I've-got-a-pretty-good-idea-as-it-is.-If-you-don't-tell-me,-Dumbledore-will,-so-get-on-with-it,-all-right-James?_-James...'_ effect. And the result was that she saw the Dark Mark, heard his story, and understood the danger. And then there had been the news on the WWN about the attack on Diagon Alley, which of course the Muggle radio didn't mention, and Lily had _known_ something must have gone wrong when James didn't come home, and didn't find some way to contact her, and-

Albus' head appeared in the fire and Lily jumped.

"What's happened to James?"

But Albus didn't answer her question; he just told her to get Harry and the Invisibility Cloak, and get to Hogwarts _now_. Some other time, Lily might have argued, might have tried to find out what had happened to her husband first, but the look in Albus' eyes, and the fact that Harry might be in danger, meant she went. She didn't even think about it.

---

When Lily stumbled out of the the Hogwarts fireplace, with her baby in one arm and her bag on the other, the last person she expected to see there was Severus Snape. From the blank shock on his face, the feeling was mutual.

"Ah, Lily." Albus interrupted the silent exchange between them.

_What are you doing here?_

_What are _you_ doing here?_

"Lily, Severus has some important information for us."

"He's a Death Eater, isn't he?" Lily refused to address Severus, refused to look at him, knowing the pain and hurt in his eyes would be too much for her. "Can I trust him?"

Albus looked straight into her eyes, and while his look may not have been open, it was certainly honest. "Yes."

And Severus spoke, quietly, slowly, painfully. "James Potter is dead."

Lily didn't remember much of what happened after that. She had been numb at first: she couldn't believe what she had heard. She just clutched Harry and waited for James to walk in the door, to prove he was alive after all. She knew Professor Dumbledore and Sev were talking to her, but she didn't seem able to reply or even understand. Something about a moor... or bones... or something...

And later, she remembered thinking that Harry didn't have a father, and what was she going to do? A single mother, muggle-born in the middle of the war, wanted by Lord Voldemort for what her husband had done – and it was all James' fault for agreeing to become a spy, or maybe it was Dumbledore's for asking him, and sending him into a situation he obviously wasn't prepared for – and why had Albus needed a spy, if he already had Severus? Or had Severus switched sides? And could she trust him at all? If Albus had made a mistake that killed her husband, how could he know whether it was safe to trust her childhood friend? Or was it all her fault for letting James go out that day?

And at one point, she remembered shouting at Sev, and Sev just standing there, taking it, as she screamed at him for causing James' death, because after all he'd never liked James, and it had just been his childish revenge for whatever had happened between them in their sixth year, and if he'd just _tried_ to do something he could have saved James, and he just wanted her family dead, and why couldn't he be there when he was needed? And did he just help her when it suited him? _"Don't touch me!" _As if telling her that the love-of-her-life was dead could be considered 'help'. And where had he hidden James' body anyway? Why did everything he did have to hurt her? _"Don't touch me!"_ He'd always hated James, and he hated her too, and he was just trying to cause their family as much pain as possible. _"Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"_

And a long time later – hours? Days? Or just minutes? – she ran out of breath and energy, and Severus helped her to the hospital wing – _"Don't touch me!" –_ but didn't say anything, or if he did Lily didn't hear him, and she was still clutching Harry, and Harry was still sleeping, somehow, and he didn't know his dad was dead. And she didn't know how she was going to tell him...

And there was the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey was gently taking her son from her - _"NO! Leave my baby alone! Let me have Harry. Tonight. Please." – _and she was lying down, hugging her son tightly as if hoping that would bring James back, and then- she slept.


	3. Son

**Part 3**

"The pain never stops," Harry's mum had told him once. "You just get used to it after a while."

But Harry could have told Lily Potter that she was still suffering, five years after her husband's death. The look in her eyes whenever he asked about his dad was enough to tell him that. And she always answered any of his questions with the same unsatisfactory reply. "You look just like him, you know... except for his eyes... you've got my eyes."

And that was all Harry knew about his father. James Potter, looked just like his son, except for his eyes. And he was dead.

He had tried asking Uncle Sirius about it, and Uncle Sirius had told him his father was very brave. Uncle Remus had said he was noble. Uncle Peter said it had been something to do with Lord Voldemort. But no-one seemed to want to tell him exactly what had happened to his dad, or why.

In a last, desperate attempt, he had asked Uncle Sev.

"When you're older, Harry."

And Uncle Sev _always_ kept his word, so Harry accepted it, and waited anxiously for the day when he would be older.

---

Another five years passed, and Harry's eleventh birthday came and went. Uncle Remus took him to Diagon Alley for his school supplies – where, excitingly, they met Neville Longbottom, the Boy Who Lived – and left him back at Hogwarts with Uncle Sev until his mum finished at work. For some reason, his uncles didn't seem to get on very well with each other. Harry knew it was something to do with their schooldays, but he had never asked for more information.

"Uncle Sev?"

Severus Snape looked up from a potion distractedly.

"Mmm?"

"You were a Death Eater, weren't you?"

Severus was glad he wasn't holding anything breakable when Harry asked that. "Why do you ask?"

Harry didn't answer. He just waited.

"Yes."

"So you know what happened to my dad?"

Severus stiffened.

"You promised to tell me-"

"-when you're older."

"I'm older now."

And, try as he might, Severus could not find any reasonable excuse not to tell Harry what had happened to his father. After all, he would need to know by the time he went to Hogwarts next month...

"He was killed by Lord Voldemort."

Harry sighed, exasperated. "I _know _that. Why? How? What happened?"

Severus removed his cauldron from the fire. At this stage, it would not ruin it – and anyway, he couldn't risk any explosions while he was explaining Harry's history to him. "You must promise not to tell your mother I told you."

Harry blinked, confused, but nodded.

And so, Severus Snape told Harry the tale of his father's death.

---

Harry was white-faced by the time Severus finished. Just as Lily had been, ten years before...

"That's why you turned spy, isn't it?"

Severus did not move.

"Because Dumbledore needed one after my dad died."

Severus relaxed. _Not exactly._ "Yes." _Because I thought I could protect you and your mother, as James Potter had failed to do._

"Thankyou."

Severus gave Harry a blank look. "What for?" He didn't think he had done anything special.

"Telling me the truth."


End file.
